It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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