I got chris browned last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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