the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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