her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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