Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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