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are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
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