I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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