All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize