she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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