Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize