Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize