ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize