Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.

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(401): Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars. http://tfl.nu/q4kd

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.

(203): View more from Connecticut

needless to say I left

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(203): I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard. (203): needless to say I left http://tfl.nu/ueme

Replies (15) Good night (663) Bad night (2866)
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(913): View more from Kansas

So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

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(913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized http://tfl.nu/gtwy

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(513): View more from Ohio

I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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(513): I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear. http://tfl.nu/d8gq

Replies (31) Good night (793) Bad night (11118) Order T-Shirt
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(916): View more from California

She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.

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(916): She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/9b1u

Replies (17) Good night (1225) Bad night (5615) Order T-Shirt
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(904): View more from Florida

Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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(904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj

Replies (49) Good night (9106) Bad night (1231) Order T-Shirt
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.

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(781): Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person. http://tfl.nu/31bd

Replies (3) Good night (2516) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
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(419): View more from Ohio

fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.

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(419): fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back. http://tfl.nu/wq3e

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(989): View more from Michigan

ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.

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(989): ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore. http://tfl.nu/xzjn

Replies (12) Good night (1515) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
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(208): View more from Idaho

Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.

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(208): Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch. http://tfl.nu/hfll

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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(814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod

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(316): View more from Kansas

Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.

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(316): Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom. http://tfl.nu/sl0t

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(917): View more from New York City

You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.

(203): View more from Connecticut

That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue

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(917): You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal. (203): That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue http://tfl.nu/dtw4

Replies (10) Good night (1450) Bad night (442)
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(503): View more from Oregon

He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.

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(503): He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor. http://tfl.nu/y1d6

Replies (9) Good night (927) Bad night (333)
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(917): View more from New York City

Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.

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(917): Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays. http://tfl.nu/jpwh

Replies (12) Good night (531) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt

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