I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize