can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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