So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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