Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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