they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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