Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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