I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like eating out sand paper
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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