your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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