Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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