Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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