They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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