I love black thongs
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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