I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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