At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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