Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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