Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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