I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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