if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My feet surprised me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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