So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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