I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
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