I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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