Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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