This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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