she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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