Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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