i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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