6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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