So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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