she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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