could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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