the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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