I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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