She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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