I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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