I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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