9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize