I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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